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OT: advice needed

I could use some advise:

I am a 29-year-old PhD student and will take about 2 more years to finish my dissertation. I've also been married for about 6 months now; my husband is the same age as I am and works in a decent job right now.

We had originally agreed to start discussing the baby-topic in about a year from now (not necessarily to start reproducing, but to start planing). Mainly, he said he's not ready yet to talk about all of this yet, but will be next year.

I want to be respectful of his feelings, however: I don't want to give my child into day-care after 2 or 3 months, we want to have at least two children, and I do want to have at least somewhat of a career. If we wait until I am pretty much done with my PhD, I will have to take at least two years off from working (and that's only if I find a job right away).

If we got pregnant now (or soon), I could have our first while finishing up my PhD. It would surely slow me down, but it's manageable (I wouldn't be the first woman to do that). I could keep my TA-ship during this time -- hence I would have a small income -- and we could live in student housing. That way, we'd be able to afford a baby-sitter who looks after the child for 2 afternoons each week, so I could get some uninterrupted writing time. If we waited, money would be tight (just one income plus more rent) and I'd be out of the professional world for much longer. I haven't started saving for the future at all, and I am getting worried that I won't work 'properly' until my mid- to late thirties.

I really really want to be respectful of his feelings. But since it's pretty clear that I'd be the one putting my career on hold and staying home (twice), shouldn't I be the one to decide when I want to do that?




Tue. Jul 14, 6:55am

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