i dont know what to do

my bf and i of 5 yrs are having a big ole fight. i just moved into a house with new carpet, and he refuses to take off his dirty boots on my carpet when he comes from lunch ( we dont not live together, he lives out in the country with his parents, and works in town) i told him i would take his key away if he didnt because he is ruining the carpet, he wipes his boots off on the rug but it doenst get them clean. and then go goes on to say then maybe he wont be my bf if that's how i feel. am i overreacting about the carpet or justified.

Tue. Mar 25, 7:36pm

Is there some middle ground here? Could he agree to take his boots off in the foyer or at the door and you could agree to have something for him to change into if he doesn't want to be in socks or barefoot?
If you guys have been together 5 years there has to have been some compromising along the way. I can't imagine a new carpet would be the deal-breaker!
Or maybe he does want to live with you, or some other issue? Dirty boots on a new carpet hardly seems like a reason to break up. And the fact that he threatened that is weird. Has he mentioned wanting to break up before?
Good luck, no one knows what to do or what's going on more than you do, so take all advice with a grain of salt!
Best,
CJ

Tuesday, March 25, 2008, 7:44 PM

i offered to buy over shoes he could put over his boots , but he says he wont do it. i think its more that he doenst like me telling him something his has to do.

Tuesday, March 25, 2008, 7:54 PM

"i told him i would take his key away... then maybe he wont be my bf if that's how i feel."

If it's your house, and he's living with parents, you absolutely have every right to take your key back/not allow him to have a key, it is YOUR house.

Basically, your boyfriend is saying if you don't let him abuse your stuff, he won't stick around. Either he doesn't mean it and he's just being a jerk, or he really is an ass, and 5 year or not, you should drop him. (I'd never put up with that sh*t from my bf)

Tuesday, March 25, 2008, 10:03 PM

You're not overreacting. You've asked him to respect your home and your rules and he adamantly refuses. Why is that? That's the question to ask him. And threatening to break up wi th you (after 5 years no less) - that's manipulative and that ain't cool.

Tuesday, March 25, 2008, 11:06 PM

I agree. Thats just plain ignorant that he wont take his shoes off if they are dirtying your rugs. Why not?!

Tuesday, March 25, 2008, 11:27 PM

please

come on, I mean really, really...

Tuesday, March 25, 2008, 11:51 PM

Is this a fake post??
So many "I don't know what to do about my lousy boyfriend" threads lately to take something like this even the tiniest bit seriously.

Wednesday, March 26, 2008, 12:06 AM

time for a tour

of an ICU or oncology unit. Time for the old reality check

Wednesday, March 26, 2008, 12:27 AM

Here here!!

DUMP HIM HE'S A BABY. Anyone that would threaten to break up with you because you ask him to take his muddy boots off is a child. Adults don't act this way, and an adult would have responded to that threat with a "Well then don't let the door hit you in the ass!" Stop wasting your time on a man child who lives with mommy and daddy and get serious about your life!!! If he doesn't like being told what to do on little issues, imagine what he'll be like on the big ones. And I'm doubting that he's just like this all of a sudden...five years together means he's probably pulling this crap all along and you're just getting fed up with it. And if this is new, then he's looking to pick a fight so he can dump you and make it your fault. Seriously, if you're together enough to buy a house on your own and he can't even manage to pay rent on his own place, you are head and shoulders too good for him. Stop asking about it here and go with your gut...drop him like a bad habit. mb

Wednesday, March 26, 2008, 8:52 AM

One really has to wonder how this boy's parents raised him. My bf grew up on a farm and believes wearing outdoor shoes in the house to be a filthy habit!

Wednesday, March 26, 2008, 10:18 AM

too much OT going on on PT lately !

!

!

!

Wednesday, March 26, 2008, 10:20 AM

I agree with 8:52. He sounds like he still has A LOT of learning!!!! You could so do better OP, especially since he doesn't respect your wishes for YOUR house.

Wednesday, March 26, 2008, 11:05 AM

op

no this is real. anyway, thanks for the comments, here's what he said tonight, he stopped in after work on his way home to his parents farm. i was talking about calling my landlord of my appt on fri to tell her i would be out at the end of april. he goes on to say are you sure you have this house, what if you dont get it, well i explain i already signed the aggreement, and im approved for the loan, its basically a done deal. he says well if you didnt you'd have to live out with my parents and me ( 20 miles out of town) i say no i would stay with my grandparents in town, since i am an xray tech and am on call a few nights a week, and some weekends, i have to be in town. he says oh so im not good enough for you to live with me, im like YOU LIVE WITH YOUR PARENTS! my god im not gonna live with them, besides the fact that im often on call and can't live that far out of town. then he walked out, i followed, asking you have got to be kidding me, he says no and drives off. i feel suddenly im not doing what he likes and he has to be an ass about it. ive decided he's not getting a key, were not married, nor does he want to, says he;'s not sure what love is, ok then, dont expect to be able to come here to eat lunch anymore. i feel like i cant trust him anymore. i have a dog who is my life, and he has often said i wanna take her home like he has a right to her, no f@ckin way, she is mine, get your own dog, because i dont trust him to take care of her, he's the kind of guy who would take her out without a leash to potty, she would run and he would be like oh well. my dog runs away when not taken out on her leash. sorry to have to vent but my god he's driving me up a wall. his pms has gotten way too bad for me to handle

Wednesday, March 26, 2008, 8:05 PM

sheesh, sounds like it's time to go your own way...Good luck!

Wednesday, March 26, 2008, 9:10 PM

Tell him to get lost. I mean, he sounds as though he's 5 yrs old.

My bf and I have been together for 6 and 1/2 yrs...if he did anything like this, I'd tell him to get lost....I don't care how long it's been. He's disrespecting you....I don't care how long you've been together....past behavior shows you future behavior.

Wednesday, March 26, 2008, 9:20 PM

He is rude. He is disrespectful of your home and your money if he is ruining your carpet with something like this. It is a simple request and if he wont do it, he doesnt respect you or your feelings. Something as small as taking off his f'ing muddy shoes should not be a fight. If you are not married, RUN!

Wednesday, March 26, 2008, 9:28 PM

Sounds like he even knows you're too good for him! He's feeling like the loser that he is because you're buying a house and he's living with his parents. If he doesn't think he believes in love, then why have you wasted all this time with him? He's just using you for a little sumthing sumthing. Do not, I repeat, do not let him back in your house ever again. Let him sit in his parents' house with his muddy boots and cry about it to his mom.

Thursday, March 27, 2008, 8:59 AM

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