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Totally OT but....

Does anyone have a living will and if so what have you done with the children? How do you decide who to leave them with in the event that you both die? My husband and I have been going over this for a year now and can not come up with someone to care for the kids.

Wed. Mar 19, 12:23pm

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My parents did this, and they would have left of to their good friends. Of course they talked about this with their friends and so on. But if anything would have happened to them- that is where we would go.

Once my brother was old enough, they changed it so that me and my younger brother would go to him.

Wednesday, March 19, 2008, 12:26 PM

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if you haven't seen it, watch the move Raising Helen. I felt it very true to heart. sometimes you need to chose the person that's most like you, not necessarily the person who will raise them in a perfect environment as we would like.

i do have a living will and my children will be going to a non-relative because we believe their values and morals match ours.

Wednesday, March 19, 2008, 12:35 PM

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You can look into setting up a trust as well =)

Wednesday, March 19, 2008, 12:52 PM

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My parents picked some family friends who had a similar lifestyle and kids around our age, rather than my grandparents, who were retired and, although we were close, didn't really live a child-friendly life (i.e. they couldn't walk stairs well, probably couldn't attend our various sporting events, were getting close to not being able to drive after dark, etc.) My parents didn't want to stifle us by having us go to family that wasn't healthy enough to act like childrens' parents.

Wednesday, March 19, 2008, 3:35 PM

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The problem is this: His parents are too old and have tons of health problems, his brother and his family we really have no relationship with them and don't really care for them. My mom and her husband would be fine but they live on an island and I wouldn't want the kids growing up there away from other family and also they are getting older as well although they are still very active and fun, my sister and her family would be my choice but my hubby feels she is to wishy washy in making decisions and doesn't stand up for herself enough. He thinks the kids should go to his brother since they can afford them, I say we have plenty of ins, between the 2 of us over 2 mil plus other assets and both their college funds are taken care of, so really they are fine, money is not the issue. I don't want my kids raised in a place we have no connection to. My sister we are connected to, we see her at least 2x a week and I just can't imagine my kids going to anyone outside of my family.

Thursday, March 20, 2008, 4:38 AM

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Think about it this way....if you were both gone you would want your kids to be as comfortable as possible. You would not want to put them through more pain of having to be around people they don't know. You would want them to be comforted by your sister and her family, people they know well.

Thursday, March 20, 2008, 9:03 AM

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How old are the children in question? Have you asked them?

Thursday, March 20, 2008, 9:46 AM

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My parents also did this. When we were younger, my parents : if something happened to them left us in the care of my Dad's brother, based on their kids being around the same age as us, so it wouldn't be too out of sorts to have more kids the same age.

I think that is a good way to do it, so that if someone found out and was hurt ( and lord knows that happens with everything) then you can say, it would be best for the kids to be with kids their own age. Good luck and take care!

Thursday, March 20, 2008, 10:42 AM

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We discussed this for quite sometime and decided to ask my best friend and her husband. They are our age and the kids are about the same age. ZThey agreed. At first family members were hurt we didn't aske them but I think in the end they were relieved.

Friday, March 21, 2008, 5:05 PM

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We also asked our friends instead of our family. We have friends who are very similar to us in their values, parenting styles, sense of humor...they are just a lot like us and we figured if we couldn't be raising our kids, we wanted someone similar to us raising our kids.

Friday, March 21, 2008, 5:14 PM

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OP here, our kids are 4.5 and barely 2 months. We've thought about a good friend of mine, who does have a child the same age as my oldest and they are friends and we both love them dearly and like the way they treat their kid and are raising their child but in the end I just can't imagine my kids not being with my sister. My oldest is crazy wild about her and vice versa, she saw her into this world and has a very strong bond with her. And I know that she would keep the connection strong with his side of the family as well. If they didn't go to my sister, my sister and my mother would be absolutely devastated and crazed as I would if I found out she wasn't leaving me her daughter like I assume she is should anything happen to her. I think she just assumes that is the way it would be, it just seems so natural, there is no other option to me but my husband thinks there is. I just can't get past this and I don't want to. I am not willing to leave my children with someone other then my family even though I respect and love them, I just can't, everything in me screams that it is wrong.

Sunday, March 23, 2008, 9:09 AM

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