OT - Bingeing saved my life

When I was in high school I was going through a really rough time (as I know a lot of people do). Things escalated and one night I couldn't deal anymore. I turned to food first...ate an entire block of velveeta cheese w/ salsa and a bag of tostitos...but that didn't help. So, the next best solution I could come up with at the time was to take every single pill we had in our house. Everything from every medicine cabinet and a drawer we had for cold medicine and things. That was 11 years ago tomorrow.

I'm a completely different person now and I'm so much stronger than I ever thought possible. The last year has been absolutely awful but I haven't been anywhere near like I was then. Even so, this anniversary always exhausts me emotionally. I'm still struggling with using food as a crutch, but if I hadn't binged that night I would have at the very least had permanent damage. I feel so very sorry for myself from then, she was hurting so much and I wish I could go back and give her a hug and tell her everything would be alright.

I took the day off of work tomorrow and I'm having breakfast with a friend, spending the afternoon at a day spa, and having dinner with friends. I try to treat this day as a celebration of life and surround myself with good things.

I know lots of people have had similar experiences and I'd just like to say that if you've made it through like I have, I'm so very proud of you. If you're still fighting to get out of the darkness then I'd like to tell you that it definitely gets better and easier and you need to seek professional help, if you haven't already.

Whether you can empathize or not, I think we should all take a minute to tell our selves we love us and we forgive us.

Sun. Feb 3, 4:47pm

Thanks for sharing your story. It's when I read stuff like this that I know I'm not alone, and I feel alone a lot of the time in my life. You are a very strong person and congratulations for making it through, and 11 years. WOW.

Sunday, February 3, 2008, 8:10 PM

Brave

You are totally brave. I have thought so since I first read your profile. Remembering the tough times and the fact that you made it through is really awesome. Take the time you need I will catch when you get back

Sunday, February 3, 2008, 9:31 PM

Thank you. I so needed to read something like this. Really, thank you so much.

Sunday, February 3, 2008, 11:02 PM

Thanks OP. You're story is inspiring.

Sunday, February 3, 2008, 11:18 PM

I am so glad that you lived through your ordeal and like you said you are a lot stronger that you think.
Good for you in treating it like a celebration of your life. That is really cool.
So many of us have gone through so much and we don't tell ourselves often enough, I forgive you, I love you.
We don't give ourselves enough credit.
Thank you for posting, you inspire me.

Sunday, February 3, 2008, 11:39 PM

ot-bingeing

I would just like to say how moved I was when I read your story this evening. I also went through some very similar experiences about 11 years ago and can truly empathize. Hope the spa and dinner went well and keep it up!

Monday, February 4, 2008, 12:30 AM

Thank you so much for sharing. I hope your day today was a celebration of life, even though the memories of your sadness are still so vivid. Big hugs from me to you.

Monday, February 4, 2008, 9:05 PM

OP Here

Thanks so much for all of your kind words. My day was fantastic. The spa was lovely (although towards the end I got tired of sitting still). I ate too much and didn't get much sleep, but spending time with my friends was just what I needed. I managed to fit in a little self-reflection in the middle of the day, but I didn't dwell on anything negative (and thank you, Starbucks at 61st and Broadway, for ignoring the girl crying into her cappuccino). All things considered, I really couldn't have asked for a better day.

I hope everyone has a wonderful day today.

Tuesday, February 5, 2008, 5:38 AM

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