For Pet Lovers

PET RULES: To be posted VERY LOW on the refrigerator door - about pet's nose height.

Dear Dogs and Cats,
The dishes with the paw print are yours and contain your food. The other dishes are mine and contain my
food. Please note, placing a paw print in the middle of my plate of food does not stake a claim for it becoming
your food and dish, nor do I find that aesthetically pleasing in the slightest.

The stairway was not designed by NASCAR and is not a racetrack. Beating me to the bottom is not the
object. Tripping me doesn't help because I fall faster than you can run.
I cannot buy anything bigger than a king sized bed.
I am very sorry about this. Do not think I will continue sleeping on the couch to ensure your comfort. Dogs
and cats can actually curl up in a ball when they sleep.
It is not necessary to sleep perpendicular to each other stretched out to the fullest extent possible.
I also know that sticking tails straight out and having tongues hanging out the other end to maximize space
is nothing but sarcasm.

For the last time, there is not a secret exit from the bathroom. If by some miracle I beat you there
and manage to get the door shut, it is not necessary to claw, whine, meow, try to turn the knob or get your
paw under the edge and try to pull the door open. I must exit through the same door I entered. Also, I have
been using the bathroom for years -- canine or feline attendance is not required.

The proper order is kiss me, then go smell the other dog or cat's butt.
I cannot stress this enough!

To pacify you, my dear pets, I have posted the following message on our front door:

To All Non-Pet Owners Who Visit & Like to Complain About Our Pets:
1. They live here. You don't.
2. If you don't want their hair on your clothes, stay off the furniture. (That's why they call it 'fur'niture.)
3. I like my pets a lot better than I like most people.
4. To you, it's an animal. To me, he/she is an adopted son/daughter who is short, hairy, walks on
all fours and doesn't speak clearly.

Remember: In many ways, dogs and cats are better than kids because they:
1. Eat less.
2. Don't ask for money all the time.
3. Are easier to train.
4. Normally come when called.
5. Never ask to drive the car.
6. Don't hang out with drug-using friends.
7. Don't smoke or drink.
8. Don't have to buy the latest fashions.
9. Don't want to wear your clothes.
10. Don't need a 'gazillion' dollars for college.
And finally,
11. If they get pregnant, you can sell their children.

Sat. Feb 2, 12:21pm

Love it....Pets also love you unconditionally (well, maybe not cats) and don't slam doors and go through the sulky teenage years.

Saturday, February 2, 2008, 9:12 PM

cute

Monday, February 4, 2008, 8:08 AM

Haha that was great! Thanks for sharing!

Monday, February 4, 2008, 11:43 AM

Hanry

I read the phrase in the title somewhere, and even though it is a blatant rip off of a line from Forest Gump, I thought it was a pretty appropriate way to describe the world's oldest water retriever poodle, circus performer and truffle hunter.

Thursday, August 13, 2020, 11:08 AM

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