OT - Love, Working Through Things

Hi. I've been in a relationship now for a couple years and I definitely love my boyfriend. I'm 21 years old so obviously marriage is a consideration. I am often described as a "fireball" while my boyfriend is much more level headed and "chill", and relaxed - though very straight edge and all American. We make a great match despite our differences on the surface, as we have basically all of the same values and a lot of shared interests. We also can talk for hours.

Last year I broke up with my boyfriend twice, feeling like something was "missing". I was constantly oscillating about my feelings for him, while he remained constant. I compared my love for him to my desire for various pastries. For instance, I'm not sure I could live without cheese cake from time to time, but I also love rainbow cookies. Cheesecake is more dense, extreme, passion and rainbow cookie is more available, but still a top choice, and the only choice I make when choosing among the pastries. Each of the two times we broke up, though, it didn't last longer than a week and each time we got back together our relationship had more vigor and passion than ever. Now for a year I haven't wavered, and still I'm not. With marriage as a consideration, I'm wondering when they say "you need to work" at every relationship if they talk about dispositional (personality) issues as well. My "ideal" guy would be a bit more responsive and spontaneous emotionally than my boyfriend is. My boyfriend is very controlled with his reaction and logical, which is nice a lot of the time but not as intrinsically satisfying to me, as I am a woman who has read poems about the passionate love that aligns the stars. I actually study relationships, and I am very much aware that passionate love does not last and in fact is just useful in providing the fuel for bringing two people together exclusively, for a while. I'm just wondering if me and my boyfriend ever had a real "passionate" love, or if there is something missing.

At this time, I can say that if I found out I was going to marry him I would not at all be upset. I think we could have an amazing life together, very happy and affectionate, though perhaps not "heated". We only get one life though, and I know I don't need to make this choice now - but it'd be nice to hear some insight from the wise ones who have already wedded and grown in love.

Tue. Feb 9, 8:32pm

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