Help me. Disgusted with myself.

I'm a fat, single mom of two children (13 and 9). I started gaining weight after becoming engaged and then married to my former husband. It was an emotionally abusive relationship, and he was unfaithful. Being in this type of relationship and becoming a mother left me very isolated, and I sought my comfort in food.

But my weight is not my forme husband's fault. It is mine. I chose to deal with my pain and loneliness in this way and I need to stop. Happiness in Reese's peanut butter cups is VERY good, but it is fleeting, and it comes back to bite me in my big butt.

I made my husband leave in 2001. In 2003, the divorce was final. My dad (who I love dearly) died of cancer in 2004. And my weight continued to creep up.

I have fibromyalgia, and a bad knee, from spraining it twice in the last couple of years. I used to be a lifeguard and swim instructor long ago, but currently have no money for a pool/YMCA membership. And I've got a bit of fear fo the water. See every so often (one or two year or two for the past decade) I'll have a tonic-clonic (grand mal) seizure in my sleep, and this takes 3-4 weeks for me to recover from. Sounds stupid, but I still hear the neurologist saying "don't go swimming," and it makes me afraid. Not deathly afraid, but just enough that, when I could have, I haven't gone swimming. Swimming was a love of mine.

I'm pretty certain that these sleep seizure have happened because of hypoclycemia. And I know that can be fixed with diet. But I feel overwhelmed. And the fibro has me limping in pain a lot.

I am 238 pounds and 5'4". put on a smile and I count my blessings, but I am lonely and feel that I've been robbed of my joy. Men look right through me. I am not the sexual being that I used to be. I am a fat blob. And I need encouragement. Would you help with that?

Sat. Jul 11, 1:35pm

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