Anybody Have a Hard Time Due to People Holding a Grudge On You?

It's so hard to hold everything together when there are people in my family who won't talk to me or look at me because of something that happened 32 years ago.

First, I thought it was because I started dating someone of another race and religion. He turned out to be a really bad guy. Besides trying to put me on the street, and beating me terribly when I refused and fought back, he turned out to be a serious criminal. I ran away from him many times but he kept finding me, beating me, and bringing me back. On several different occasions he broke my foot, my leg, my hand, 2 of my teeth and my nose.

I don't know if there was such a thing as a battered woman shelter back then because I never heard of it. And my family wouldn't help me. Whenever I called them for help, they hung up on me. Like it was my own fault I was a victim. Even the police wouldn't help me because they said it was a "domestic issue" and they didn't get involved in those things back then.

To get completely away from the situation, I ended up writing a lot of bad checks at places that let me get cash back so I could buy a bus ticket, and I went as far away as I could get. Then I cut my hair and dyed it and started eating a lot so I would gain weight. I moved around a little at first and worked in restaurants because I could work for cash and tips and eat for free. After about a year I had gained 65 lbs and looked so totally different that I wasn't afraid anymore. I moved one more time, ending up more than 1000 miles away from my home town. And started using my own name again, went to school, got a job, etc... Never saw or heard from the bad guy again. After about 5 years I contacted my parents again and they talked to me, but didn't seem happy about it. My siblings refused to communicate with me.

Here we are 32 years later and my parents talk to me but my siblings act as if they never had an older sister. When I bring my children & grandchildren to see my aging and very ill parents, my siblings stay away. And when "the family" goes out to dinner while we are in town, we aren't invited because it would upset my siblings. My parents must defer to my siblings.

Now when I called yesterday to wish my dad a happy father's day, I was told by my parents that they are still upset with me because I was so "under serious drugs" that I stole from everyone to get "a fix". I was never on drugs. Except the ones prescribed by a doctor for sinus infections, etc. Antibiotics that you take for 10 days. Or the occasional aspirins for a headache. And the incidents of theft they mentioned to me are absurd. I wasn't even still living in their state at the time they say the thefts took place. And when I was living in their state, I had never been to the locations where they say the thefts occurred.

So yes, I got fat on purpose. Then several years later I had a baby and of course gained weight with the pregnancy. So for decades I've been hefty and finally decided I have to get height/weight proportionate and try to be healthy again so I can spend quality time with my children and grandchildren. But with all this crap coming at me from my "first" family, and knowing they are holding serious grudges against me for not only being a victim of domestic violence by a terrible person in general, but for things I didn't even do -- how am I supposed to focus on taking care of me?

Mon. Jun 21, 10:53am

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