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Oh man, this was a rough couple of weeks. I can't even find the words to describe it - I felt weak, dizzy, my stomach was constantly churning, I was exhausted, my heart sometimes would start pounding for no reason...UGH. I swear I talked to my doctor almost every single day.
But I started to feel better a few days ago and yesterday all of a sudden I felt completely human again. Boy, was that a relief. Thanks to everyone who checked in with me, either posting here or emailing me. And I am sorry I haven't been updating my log but I have spent all the energy I had to take care of the important things, my family and my job. But I can give you an easy run-down of my eating habits the last two weeks:
Breakfast: Honey Nut Cheerios with skim milk
Lunch: either soup, a Lean Cuisine pizza or a wheat bagel with cream cheese
Dinner: usually some noodles or a small piece of chicken with a little steamed vegetables
And that was pretty much it. I just wasn't hungry, and I had to force myself to eat meals. I haven't been interested in snacks at all, although yesterday and today I had a couple of pretzels or crackers mid-morning.
This morning on my scale I was 159.0. First time I've been under 160 for about 4 months now, I think. Not exactly the way I would prefer to get there, but I'm going to try to gradually get back to working out and getting strong again.
And one thing I haven't mentioned in a while is that I still have not eaten any chocolate. It really does get easier over time - I barely even look at it anymore.
Thanks again everyone. It helps so much to know people out there are thinking of me.
I'm not doing very well during this transition - I'm exhausted and spacey and having trouble keeping my eyes open all day. Not great for my job, or for being the mom of a 5-year-old, I'll tell you that much. I've had to lower the dosage of the new medication back to the middle (under my doctor's orders) because at top dosage I was completely unable to function.
I've lost 4 pounds this week because I'm actually too tired to eat. I'm eating meals, just not big ones, and I don't have the energy for snacks. My exercise consists of getting out of bed in the morning and going through my daily routines as best I can. I hope this gets better, I really do. Right now I would rather be fat...
Thanks to everyone who posted comments on my last entry; nice to have the support and suggestions. Yes, I know I need to be logging, and I'm trying to get there - one problem is that I can't get online at all during the day at my new job, and by the time evening rolls around, I'm tired and cranky and I've forgotten most of what I've eaten since I'm so damn busy all day. So I need to come up with a new strategy. Maybe I'll buy a little notebook to carry with me and write everything down as I eat; then I can update before bed.
But the main issue is that I've just been so discouraged. It's really hard to try to be a role model and set an example of how to eat right and exercise, when I'm doing everything I should and the pounds just keep creeping up on me. It makes me feel like there's no point in keeping track when nothing works. And I haven't wanted to post my weight.
I saw my doctor yesterday and we had a long discussion and did some assessments. He had taken my weight and my waist circumference before I started this medication in order to have a baseline. Yesterday we took them again. The first time - which was in April - I weighed 155.5. When I saw that on the sheet, I remembered how at the time I was not happy to see that number, since 155 was really the high end of where I wanted to stay in my maintenance phase, and I recall comforting myself by remembering that it was late in the day and I was fully dressed. Then I got on the scale and it read 169.5. And all I wanted was to be back at 155.5.
Believe it or not, though, that wasn't the most telling indication; the waist circumference was. I've gone from 33 inches in April to 36 inches now. No wonder my damn pants don't fit.
Anyway, he is starting me on a new medication that has the same benefits without the weight gain side effect, but he said something that really disturbed me when he was talking about it - he said that it wouldn't "lower my metabolic rate" like the other one. Is that what happens? I hadn't thought of it that way, and now I'm all freaked out about it. How do I know my metabolism will go back up at all?
So what I'm doing now is gradually weaning onto the new medication while gradually weaning off the old one. It's going to take a few weeks until I've fully made the switch. I really hope my weight starts to go back down. I still kind of can't believe that it didn't occur to me, as my weight went up 5, 10, 15 pounds, that it wasn't normal. Too much going on in my life with my daughter starting kindergarten and me starting my new job, I guess. Or maybe I'm just so used to blaming myself for my weight issues. Well, at any rate, I hope this works...
So after a week of dedicated logging, healthy eating, AND daily exercising, based on my years of history losing and maintaining weight, and the fact that I'm far over my comfortable maintenance range, I should have dropped a couple of pounds easily. Nope. Weighed myself at the end of the week and I was UP a pound.
Point 1: back in the spring, I started a new medication for my high blood pressure. The doctor mentioned that one possible side effect was weight gain. I researched, discovered that it was a very small (5 - 6%) chance, and that it seemed to be mainly centered not on something physiological, but increased appetite, so I figured that it probably would not be an issue for me.
Point 2: Within a month after I started taking the medication, my weight had jumped up 10 pounds, and no matter WHAT I have done since then, it has not gone down more than 2 pounds and usually comes right back up. Most of the jeans and pants I have bought over the last 2 years are tight now. I feel fat and unmotivated and I'm f'in miserable.
Point 3: I have an appointment with my doctor next week in which I am going to tell him in no uncertain terms that I want to change medications. Being stressed out about my weight is definitely counterproductive to the effects of the medication - my blood pressure is probably higher on it than off. Stay tuned.
Except for drinking too much Diet Coke (I know, Jen, I know!), I think I'm doing really well this week. I hate not logging, so even though I've been so busy at work, I started making sure I do it every day. I can't get online much during the day, but if I have to, I update the whole thing at night. And YAY, I've been exercising every day, even last night when I wasn't home until 9:15. I just did my ab workout, but at least it was something.
And here we go off on a tangent: when the People magazine thing happened, I'd been doing this ab video I got at Barnes & Noble, some generic video called "Perfect Abs." And, as the magazine showed, my abs looked pretty damn good. Well, I'd stopped doing my abs at the beginning of the summer, but I wanted to start getting them in shape again, so I decided to go to the original: I bought "Abs & Buns of Steel" with Tamilee Webb. I started doing the ab video pretty regularly, but I really didn't see much change, and I never felt like I was getting a true workout. My abs weren't sore or anything.
Anyway, I started exercising again last Friday, and I decided to go back to "Perfect Abs," and after day 1 of doing that one again, my abs were KILLING me! It's such a more effective workout than "Abs of Steel." I will say, I like the "Buns of Steel" workouts though, so I'll still use the video for those.
Man, I'm sorry I haven't been logging - I have been SO wrapped up at work (I can't get online for personal stuff during the work day at all), and often end up staying after school for meetings or talking with students. By the time we get home and do dinner, bathtime, playtime and bedtime, I am so exhausted, I can't remember what I ate during the day and I can't even muster the energy to do a 15-minute workout video.
HOWEVER...I think the hardest part is over. The last few days have been good days at school, and I'm starting to get on top of the workload. My short-term goal is to start working out again this weekend.
I weighed myself Saturday and I was down 2 pounds to 162.5. Pretty good. I ate too much on Sunday, but since it was my little girl's 5th birthday party, I forgive myself. : ) I did a smart thing and only ordered a 1/4 sheet cake, so there was just enough for everyone to have a small piece with NO leftovers. And of course it was vanilla! Wait - tomorrow's the 30th, right? That marks TWO FULL MONTHS that I haven't eaten chocolate. Wow...
I have my prep period mid-morning, and I tend to sit and munch, but I have my desk stocked with pretzels, raw almonds, and low-fat graham crackers, so even if I snack a little too much, I'm not eating anything "bad." What bothers me the most is not working out, but I'm going to take some baby steps to get that started again. And I PROMISE, I will start logging again within the next couple of days.
This new school is unbelievable - the amount of organization and planning the staff does, the technology they use, the dedication they have - I have never worked as hard as I have in the last two weeks, and I anticipate that I will never work as hard as I will this year! I have an hour and a half of prep time every day and I am still scrambling to get everything done. But I'm glad I made the change. I can already tell it's going to be extremely rewarding, and due to all the planning and meeting and professional development we've done, I've already made good friends.
Except for a few doughnuts yesterday (thanks a LOT to the teacher who brought several Krispy Kreme boxes into the staff room to celebrate the first day of school, which was exactly NOT the kind of comfort I needed when I was already running around like crazy, stressed to my eyeballs), I've actually had a good week of eating. I'll weigh myself on Saturday to see how I'm doing overall. I need to check in with John to see where he is.
I was very tempted to have McDonald's on my way home from work at 6:00 after a budget meeting today, but I didn't, and I still have not eaten a speck of chocolate. Woo hoo!
First, I've been doing much better since I buckled down. Thanks to all of you who left your comments of support and encouragement; they really mean a lot to me.
But the REAL big news is that yesterday I received this email from my buddy John:
I am writing to say that after about 6 weeks of NOT having chocolate, I succumbed last night to some of Ben and Jerry's finest.
The Native Americans have a tradition of sitting in super hot teepees or caves, in the hope of experiencing contact with the spirit world, or perhaps receiving a Vision Quest. Upon eating chocolate last night, I had a similar vision...it was the CEO of Hershey, Worldwide...he had a 3-piece suit on, and had great big wings. He lifted me up and flew me to a mesa in the great peaks of Arizona. There was a table there, with white linens, gleaming silverware and a Pizookie the size of a koala bear. It was all quite glorious.
I recommend calling me a "loser" in 30-point font, maybe Helvetica? Red? But of course, your call. I regret nothing.
Ah, poor John. Poor LOSER John... :-) And the even more amazing news, besides the fact that I won the challenge, is that I still haven't broken down and eaten any chocolate! I just want to see how far I can go.
1. I haven't been exercising at all.
2. I have been eating a LOT.
3. I have been avoiding weighing myself.
And, of course, I've been increasingly unhappy over the last few weeks, to the point where last night as I was lying awake in bed, I had a very stern talk with myself. It was part pep talk: I know I can get myself back on track, I've done it countless times before; I know how to eat healthy; I haven't fallen completely off the wagon - I still haven't eaten chocolate or French fries; I know I can get myself back to looking the way I want to look, etc. It was also part stern: I have to drink less Diet Coke and more water; I can still find the time to exercise even though I'm busier now; it may be the new medication that made my weight initially jump up a few pounds, but that doesn't mean I can't get it down again.
Anyway, I'll make this quick because I have to get to the gym (!), but today is the day I'm turning it around. My friend John and I have yet another new challenge: we were all out on Friday night, and at one point he mentioned to me that he wants to lose about 20 pounds before his friend's wedding in a couple of months. He suggested we do a two-for-one challenge: he loses two pounds for every one of mine. So this morning I told him I accept the challenge. I weighed in at 164.5, so my goal is 154.5. I'm just waiting for him to get back to me on our goal date, because I forget when he said his friend's wedding is.
I am sorry that I haven't had more time to post, but things have just been so crazy. This new school year is going to be very time-consuming, I can tell already. My log is going to be my first priority, because I find that when I start to slip, I stop wanting to log, and that's a huge red flag. I'm definitely going to work harder on actively logging, even if I can't do it until the end of the day.
Tomorrow is my little girl's first day of kindergarten. I can't believe it! We went today to meet her teacher and see her classroom, so she's all ready for tomorrow (with her Tinkerbell backpack and lunch box, of course). Interesting note: at Back to School Night last night, the principal told us that there's one student entering kindergarten with a severe peanut allergy, so we are not allowed to send in any peanut products at all, even in our kids' lunches. However, she's not allergic to almonds or cashews. This was good news, since my daughter is a total PB&J freak and that's what I planned to send her with for lunch pretty much every day. I always use all-natural unsalted peanut butter, low-sugar jelly and wheat bread, so we went to Whole Foods and got all-natural almond butter to substitute. Add some grapes on the side and a mini bottle of water, and we're ready for kindergarten!
I am very pleased with the way they do snacks at her school: every day, one of the students is the "teacher of the day," and along with other responsibilities in the class, that student's parents are in charge of sending in the snack for all the students that day. They made a point of saying no sugary snacks or juice - they gave a list of healthy snacks as options: half sandwiches, crackers & cheese, fruit, veggies, etc., water or milk. I think it's a great system.
In other news...I am proud to announce that I have just completed 31 successful days without chocolate (or onion rings or coleslaw, but chocolate is the big one). My friend John also made it through the month. I tried to get him to extend the challenge through next month, but his exact words were that he could, if he wanted, "eat chocolate cake for the entire first week of August." I guess that means he's out. As for me, I think I'm just going to keep going and counting up the days. What was my total on workout days when I did that challenge? 75? 76? Maybe I can beat it with chocolate.
John and I have, however, agreed to a French fry ban for August. I know, I had given up French fries a long time ago, but this month, what with giving up onion rings, I found myself tempted a lot and would eat a few here and there - sometimes even "forgetting" to substitute a healthier choice when I got my turkey burgers. And I know John sometimes eats French fries, so I suggested them for this month and he accepted the challenge.
As for my other August goals...well, with all the traveling I've been doing, I've started to be sporadic about exercise, so I'm going to say that I will do SOME exercise every day, even if it's just a 15-minute ab video or 30 minutes of cardio. Just something. I go back to work at the end of next week (the students come back August 22), and I won't have as much free time, so I want to just make sure I'm doing something.
I haven't thought of a third goal yet - will decide by tomorrow morning and put it in my log.
Summer school ends tomorrow, and not a minute too soon. It's been something every day - a house fire half a block away, vandalism, theft...today two students in a music class got into an argument over which instruments to use and the girl clocked the boy on the head with one of them. Yes, these are middle school students.
I do have some big news, though: I am leaving the school I've been teaching in for the last few years and finally making the move up to high school. It's a charter high school for at-risk students and English learners, with a focus on project-based learning and college preparation. They just finished their sixth year and they have about an 85-90% college acceptance rate for graduates. They are finally ready to develop a Journalism program and establish a newspaper and yearbook, and that's where I come in. I'll also have one section of Humanities (English/history). I'm really excited about it. I start orientation/staff development on August 10.
Which means that my actual vacation time between summer school and regular school has been cut pretty short. The only real vacation we're taking is this coming week, going to visit my parents in Monterey. So I'll be on hiatus until next weekend. And the week after that is an exciting one for us too: my daughter starts kindergarten on August 1 (year-round school).
With all of this transition and upheaval, the one thing that's fallen by the wayside is my workout schedule. I actually haven't worked out in a week, and I probably won't for another week. But I remember that Shane taught me it's OK to take breaks as long as you don't stay out too long. You're not going to lose all of the muscle you've built in just a couple of weeks out of the gym - as long as you don't go nuts with food.
That's the good part; I'm 100% for my July goals. No chocolate, no coleslaw, no onion rings for 19 days straight. And it makes me feel good to at least be doing well with those goals, so I won't fall off the wagon or feel like I've gotten completely off track for not working out. I would like to reiterate: I HAVE NOT EATEN CHOCOLATE IN 19 DAYS. That's worth repeating.
...are all I have the energy for right now. I got home from New York at 1:30 a.m. and had to be at work at 7:00 this morning. It's time for a nice long afternoon nap. I just wanted to share a picture of me and Brian from his wedding - which was absolutely gorgeous, by the way; one of the most wonderful weddings I've ever attended.
I'm trying to keep up with everything as best I can, but summer school this year has been especially energy-consuming. For a change of pace, I principal the summer school program - it's interesting to get out of the classroom and see things from the administrative side, but it certainly presents a different set of challenges.
I had a teacher who broke her hand right before the summer session and couldn't come in for the first two weeks, so I had a string of substitutes. I had to call 911 last week on a non-responsive child laying on a bench in the courtyard; as it turned out, he had recently had surgery and was still on pain medication that made him incredibly tired. (You may ask yourself, why would the parents send the child to school, or not at least notify the staff of the circumstances? Good question. Wish I had an answer for you.)
And today began with a school bus crash. Thankfully, a minor one in which no one was injured, but it was three blocks from school and the students had to stay on the bus for an hour while the police compiled their report. Quite a morning.
My summer goals are sliding a little; I haven't been working out every day and I haven't been drinking 64 oz. of water every day. Those actually go hand in hand, because when I work out, I drink 20 - 24 oz. of water, so that helps boost me to my goal. But the good thing is that my July goals are 100% so far. Yes, I have actually gone for ten full days without eating anything chocolate. This is the longest in memory that I have ever gone without chocolate. My friend John is also at 100%. If we both make it to the end of the month, we may have to stretch it out.
I've mentioned my dear friend Brian, the one who had the gastric band surgery several years ago that he credits with saving his life. Brian is getting married to a lovely woman in New York this weekend, so I'm flying out Saturday morning and back Sunday night. I'll always remember 2007 as the year of the weekend trips to New York! My husband is glad that the trip is so short that I won't have time to go to the Eres boutique and buy myself the bikini I wore in People magazine - it would cost more than my plane ticket did.
I still weigh myself several times a week, but I stopped posting my weight for a while just because I figured everyone was probably sick of watching me fluctuate half a pound every month. I often wish I'd started blogging years earlier when I was really heavy and I could have really shown people progress.
I've gained several pounds in the last couple of months, partly due to some stress and bad eating habits (too much chocolate, onion rings, etc.) and partly, I'm sure, due to gaining some muscle weight, because I have been working out with weights a lot over the past weeks, where I wasn't for a long time earlier in the spring. My clothes still fit well, so I know I'm toning up nicely. I tested my body fat with one of the trainers' handheld devices last week and it was 23.7%, which is down from about 25%, where it was early this year. But I'm going to do the hydrostatic (dunk tank) testing again on July 10, so I'll get the most accurate reading from that.
Anyway, there's always a lot of talk in groups and in the Community about weighing yourself every day, how weight fluctuates daily, etc. I figured, just for fun, I'll track my weight every day this month and record it in my log so you can see how mine fluctuates every day. And I am hoping, by giving up chocolate, onion rings and coleslaw as well as continuing to work out every day, that I'll lose a few pounds this month. But either way, you can watch my progress by checking out my daily log.
(Remember, if you post a comment, it has to be approved, so it may take a day or so to show up.)
First of all, I decided to go out in style today, so we went out tonight and got the biggest, fattest chocolate dessert you can possibly imagine. At this point, I could very easily not look at chocolate for at least a week - blech! Should be an easy start to the month.
We were out with another couple tonight who are both friends and neighbors, who also belong to our gym and have been working on losing weight. In the course of conversation (over our monstrous chocolate desserts), I challenged John to a no-chocolate contest for the month of July. He accepted the challenge, so we're on for 31 days. If either of us slips up, that couple takes the other couple out to dinner at the restaurant of the winner's choice. John's wife Alice and my hubby - neither of whom, by the way, really likes sweets (we hate them) - are going to put the peer pressure on us.
I'm thrilled at this prospect, because this is such a big stretch that I kind of needed an extra incentive to push my way through it. Now I'm more optimistic, especially because John admitted that he has trouble avoiding the M&M dispenser on the reception desk in his office. Heh heh heh...it's on, my friend...
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